In every season...

After doing the laundry, cleaning, ironing and eating lunch, I'm finally sitting down while the boys are napping...and also thinking of all the things still left to do, like that package of Christmas presents I still need to take to the post office for the boys' birthmother (so thankful for her grace and understanding with me) or the grading I could be doing for school. 

Isn't that how it often feels? An unending list of to-do's, finding joy in checking off the list, yet we can't turn our brains off because the list never ends. 

Yet, here I am...still learning to find the balance in doing what needs to be done, letting what things can wait wait, and learning that rest is good. I'm grasping ever so slowly that life comes in seasons, and to find the joy in each one. 

I've been writing this post over and over in my head, and I'm hoping I can share it with you in the way I've imagined without leaving anything out. We are on our 8th day of a Daniel Detox (I'll share on that next week...), which means my 8th day off of social media. I have spent the days painting with my boys, reading (to them and also for myself), drawing horses and frogs and monster trucks, and truly staring at them as they play (and fight) with one another. Don't be fooled, I've also had my share of frustrations and moments that I've had to apologize and seek forgiveness. I've also been reminded that despite the noise and the chaos and the always cleaning up after other little people, they are the answers to prayers prayed long before they were conceived, and also always known and loved and planned for by our Father. 

It is hard for me to write on this side of our story, because I feel like since I've been given this title of "mama" and because I'm on the other side of the praying for children, now having them in my arms, that it somehow invalidates my words. I feel like all the things I have to say have come from thoughts of someone else, or that someone else can say things much better than me. However, the Lord is reminding me that we all just rearrange other's words because none of us created them in the first place...He did! And...it is my obligation and joy to share about what He is doing in my life. And...we all have different audiences, yet only a ONE audience that matters-His. So, I'm here to share away, to be honest in where I struggle and mess up, in hopes that my words can come alongside you in encouragement, and yours do the same for me (so, yes, share away your thoughts and how He is working in your life in the comments!), and to boast in Him, to teach my deceitful heart to sing His praises even when none of us may feel like it. 

A few months back, I was digging into 1 Chronicles-YES! Names and geneologies and all of it. And I was loving it! Because, I've grown to grasp that those names stand for individual people. And individual people that were created for and loved by God (I mean, He did see to it their names made it in His Word). If you have time, go and read some of it, especially 1 Chronicles 9. 

Specifically, in 1st Chronicles 9, jobs are given to individuals to be gatekeepers, singers and being in charge of things such as counting utensils, overseeing furniture and flour, wine, oil incense and spices, and preparing the mixing of the spices. 

And GOD, in His love and grace, used this passage to remind me that every moment, every job, every mundane task is important. To some, he has given us the task of staying home with children; to some He has called to extended singleness and a job in this world; to some, being a working mom; to some, traveling internationally or becoming a missionary; to some, volunteering at the food bank or to serve those in need. 

But although each calling looks differently, we are all called by Him, to be faithful with the task He has assigned, to know that whatever it is, if it's been given by Him, it is important. 

You see, I have spent the last few months feeling like because I have a part time job, I should be sure to get up before the kids to spend time in the Word and prayer, and to workout and prepare for the day...that I should wait until evening to do laundry or work on the budget or whatever else needed to be done, because that's how full time working moms did it and figured it out. And then, when I did those things during the day, I would feel guilty and less than moms that worked and still did it all. 

I share that because that is me, seeking to find purpose/schedule/identity in the way God has called other moms to do it, and not being joyful and content in the season He has ordained for me. I am so thankful for the way the Holy Spirit convicts and leads. I have learned that it isn't about what we do or don't do in a day, or trying to do it like everyone else, but it is about seeking and communicating with Him in every moment-both at work and at home. 

So, in this season, let's choose to be faithful with the task we have been given, knowing it is important, and ordained by our Father. 

My encouragement to you this week:

+ When you come across a geneology or list of names, read each one!

+ When you are tempted to feel guilty, or compare, or feel like you're in a season that is hard or frustrating, claim God's Sovereignty and teach your hear to trust-to trust the ONE that sent Himself to take on the wrath of sin instead of you, and by HIS power, defeated the grave! (I've had to do this for myself a few times recently, and once in a big way as anxiety and hormones reared it's ugly head!) 

+ Take some part of some day, and BE STILL-embrace the noise and the beauty and the creation around you. (And come back here or email me to share what moment brought you joy this week!) 

And if you're family (or friends) and just reading for updates on our lives and the boys:

+ Connor goes back to the orthopedic tomorrow! hoping to go down to 12 hour wear in our boots and bar (for his club foot, incase you don't know our story!)

+ Both boys will have their developmental evaluation the week of February 18th. We think Connor will need speech, occupational and physical therapy, and that Zac may get some occupational therapy to help us with a possible sensory issue (I'll add that to my list to share more about too!) 

+ I am still charting using Creighton Model (you can google it to find out more info, but I'll share in a post of its own about that) and go to a NaPro certified doctor on March 1. After 3 months of charting, we are thinking a possible low progesterone issue and some hormonal imbalance. After this last week and being on the Daniel Detox plan, my body is responding well and we've seen good signs toward improvement in fertility. 

+ And Brett's still doing well as Cisco, and is an amazing helper! I love to watch him with the boys! Oh, he also had a little sickness this past week, but was over it after only one day home from work and plenty of rest! We think it's also due to our eating habits this week-quicker healing from sickness!

That's it for now! I'll check back in next weekend with all the details from our detox and how it changes moving forward with our eating habits. 

Leaving you with this from Daniel 2:

Daniel answered and said:

“Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,
    to whom belong wisdom and might.
21 He changes times and seasons;
    he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise
    and knowledge to those who have understanding;
22 he reveals deep and hidden things;
    he knows what is in the darkness,
    and the light dwells with him.
23 To you, O God of my fathers,
    I give thanks and praise,
for you have given me wisdom and might,
    and have now made known to me what we asked of you,
    for you have made known to us the king's matter.”

With Love,

Shea